Glad I was an ocean away for this one

David O’Brien summed up the Braves 18-3 loss to the Cards well:

A thesaurus is as useful as a media guide for covering the Braves these days. One needs a variety of words to describe the repeated debacles.

They were beaten unmercifully Friday night at St. Louis, where the Cardinals pounded Braves pitchers for 26 hits in an 18-3 thrashing at Busch Stadium.

It wasn’t as close as the score indicates: The Braves scored twice in the ninth inning. Oh, my.

Yep, shit is getting out of hand. This was the Braves 6th straight loss and their 11th of their last twelve games. And apparently, two of their three runs didn’t come until the 9th, so the loss was even more lopsided than the score indicates.

The pitching was horrendous, obviously. Just look at the box score:

Charlie Morton 1.1 5 4 4 5 1 0 57-25 6.39
Vladimir Nunez 2.2 5 2 2 2 1 0 50-32 6.19
Matt DeSalvo 1.0 8 6 6 1 1 0 42-29 31.50
Blaine Boyer 1.0 3 3 3 1 2 0 29-17 5.18
Jeff Bennett 1.0 0 0 0 0 0 0 8-5 4.26
Julian Tavarez 1.0 5 3 3 0 1 0 33-24 4.91

That is soooo bad. Only one Brave pitcher allowed less than two runs. And only one allowed two – the others were all bombed for three or more, especially poor Matt DeSalvo, who was dickslapped for six in just one inning. God, that is weak shit.

Pujols continued to hunt Chipper down like a dog for the batting title, going 3-3 with 3 RBIs. After the Braves’ win the day after this whole debacle and after the Cards quickly erased the Braves memory of that win, Pujols and Chipper were tied at .359. Since the beginning of June, Chipper has batted a good but not great .298/.416 /.468. Pujols, on the other hand, has hit an outstanding .344 .436 .611 since June 1st. Of course, that’s not as good as Chipper’s first two months this season( .413 .498 .653), which were just stupidly and unsustainably awesome, but it’s been more than enough to catch up to Chipper during his inevitable cool down period, which, again, has not been all that shabby. Needless to say, it appears as though Chipper is headed to another second or third finish in the batting title race because, as he puts it,:

Albert can do anything he wants at the plate. He’s the best I’ve seen.

Also, the Braves are now 15 back in the NL East. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go back to enjoying myself in Europe.

It may be a minute before the next posting; Bear with me

I am going abroad for the wedding of my first cousin, so my posts may be a little less frequent and a little more Dutch, whatever that means. This means, of course, that the Braves will go on a 12 game winning streak, during which Francoeur will hit .600 with 12 home runs, and I won’t be able to see any of it.

I wish I hadn’t read this

I learned from this “Where are they now?” article that Sid Bream attended and played baseball for Liberty University, which, in case you don’t recall, is the university founded by Jerry Falwell. And worse, his progeny also attended/are attending:

It has been a hectic couple of weeks for the Breams. Sid’s middle son, Tyler, 18, received a baseball scholarship to attend Liberty University, Sid’s alma mater, in the fall.
…
Sid’s oldest son, Michael, recently graduated from Liberty and was married over the summer.

There is also this gem:

Sid has also used his professional career to tour the world and pass his faith-based messages on to the masses. He has even traveled to Kosovo to speak with the troops overseas.

“These are big-time opportunities,” he said.

Also a big hunter, Sid has twice traveled to Africa and is hoping to make a trip to New Mexico during the offseason.

Spreading the WORD in Kosovo? Big game hunting? Ugh.

I wish I could unread this article. Really. “The Slide” is forever tainted. Fuck you, associate reporter Ryan Lavener – learn to write a coherent article and leave my childhood memories alone.

Braves get shutout for seven innings by one of the worst pitchers in baseball

Barry “Worst Contract Ever” Zito? Really? Really.

Yes, the Braves were shut out for seven innings by a man who has lost eight more games than he’s won (7-15) and accumulated a 5.43 ERA. Even after subtracting his miserable first six games, he is 7-9 with a 4.85 ERA. The more advanced (and accurate) calculations also show him to be absolutely terrible this season; his VORP is -5.2, good for 19th out of 20 Giants pitchers and ____ in the majors**. His WHIP? 1.70.

And yet the Braves managed just seven hits (five off Zito) and went 1-8 with runners in scoring position. Chipper sums it up nicely: “Bad, bad baseball,” Jones said. “A lot of mental mistakes. Forgetting outs. Forgetting counts. It’s everybody.” Yep.

The Braves finish their most recent homestead with an 1-6 record. They are now exactly a million and half games out of first and 147 games below .500.

EDIT: In fairness to Zito, there’s this:

The major league leader in losses, Zito has won just 18 of 58 starts since signing a $126 million, seven-year contract with San Francisco before the 2007 season.

He improved to 97-5 in his career when receiving four or more runs of support, including 12-1 with the Giants. San Francisco has scored no more than one run in 24 of his starts.

97-5 is pretty good. San Fran scoring one run or less in over 40% of his starts is god-awful but, then again, so are the Giants.

**baseballprospectus.com is trifling me right now.

Francoeur continues to not suck; Braves beat Giants 11-5

The two pillars of the Braves ‘08 season, Francoeur and Mike Hampton, came through again last night. Hampton pitched six solid innings (6 IP, 2 ER, 7 H, 2 BB, 4 SO) and Francoeur was 4-5 with a double, 2 RBI and two runs scored. Yep, you read that right. In fact, he’s been on a tear of sorts; in the past three games he’s gone 7-14 with 1 HR, a double, 5 RBIs, and 4 Rs, raising his average 9 points, his on-base percentage by 6 points, and his slugging by 13. Of course his line is still atrocious (.233/.292/.358 ) but perhaps those two extra-base hits (his only two in the past 19 games) will inspire/remind him to perform to his potential or at least the league average.

Speaking of league average, it seems as though Kelly Johnson is the MLB’s most average player. Fangraphs.com notes that Kelly’s stats are more mediocre than any other players:

His batting average is .266, compared to a league average of .259.
His on base percentage is .335, compared to a league average of .330.
His slugging percentage is .416, compared to a league average of .413.

He’s posting an average BB/K rate, an average ISO, and an average BABIP. His WPA/LI (which is measured as above average) is -0.01. He’s even average defensively, as the Fielding Bible +/- system ranks him as just +3 plays as a second baseman, which is not quite a premium position but not a spot for oafs either.

So we have that going for us.

Braves lose only game I will attend this year

But really, it was an excellent game to witness firsthand. First, my seats were spectacular, just 4 rows back and 5 feet to the left (if facing from centerfield) from home plate – you could see me throughout the local broadcast and, for about 0.2 seconds you can see my ink-stained shorts on Sportscenter. That’s right, I am the man.

Second, the game was exciting, even if Glavine was essentially bitchslapped after starting the game with a promising strikeout against Soriano, who later exacted his revenge with a crushing HR. Ramirez also hit a bomb that was a no-doubter from the moment it left his bat. The Cubs were fierce all throughout the night, scoring two or more runs in the 1st, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 7th innings and threatening a few other times.

The Braves were no slouches, though. Kotsay, who, in the 5th, lost a ball in the lights my ten-year old brother could have caught, went 5-5 and hit for the cycle, the first Brave to do so since 1987. Believe me, shit was wild when he hit that double, completing the cycle; he seemed nonplussed about the whole thing, possibly because the Braves were down or maybe because he botched that easy-ass catch earlier, who knows, but the Braves fans, even if we were in the minority, loved it and gave him a standing ovation. He acknowledged it with some rodeo/surfing hand gesture and a grim face.

Francoeur had quite the game as well. I went expecting to see him hit into a bases-loaded, inning-ending double play, but he completely subverted my expectations. He went 3-5(!) with a monster 3-R home run (!!!) in the 7th. I hereby promise not to talk shit about him for at least a week.

In the fifth, that fuck Ted Lilly (6IP, 4 ER) pelted Escobar in the elbow and he, Escobar, freaked out. He tried to charge the mound, had to be restrained by both Soto and the homeplate umpire, and eventually both dugouts and bullpens cleared. Nothing much happened after that other than me standing up and screaming at Yunel to go out there and beat the piss out of Lilly, which he very easily would have; however, it just wasn’t meant to be. In a related note, there is no reason for the bullpen to come all the way to the infield for something that hasn’t even escalated past a yelling match. It would be one thing if they came charging down field in a dead sprint, furious and shouting, but they were barely jogging, making the whole act seem obligatory and silly instead of intimidating and team-oriented.

Alas, the Braves lost. And not only did they lose, they suffered the indignity of losing at home while the 15,000 + Cubs fans in attendance berated them with chants of, “Let’s go Cubbies!!” Blue hats and Sandberg jerseys were everywhere, and I was ashamed not at losing but at how pitiful their outspoken and excellent fandom made us Braves fans look. Next to their chants, their signs and their evil, beady little eyes, we seemed downright timid and confused. Well, except for the drunk girl three seats down who would, completely without provocation, yell, at no one in particular, “Cubs suck!”
Her, I appreciated. The rest of us? Not so much.

Covering old ground; Francoeur is not very good this year

The AJC notes that Bobby Cox is again leaving Francoeur out of today’s day game against the Cubs to “‘mix (things) up a little.’” David O’Brien again throws the scary stats that are Francoeur’s ‘08 season at us:

Francoeur has hit .209 with six homers in 90 games since April 25. He hit a two-run homer in a 3-2 loss against the Cubs on June 12 and has only one home run in 176 at-bats since then.

The 2007 Gold Glove winner has hit .173 with four extra-base hits and nine RBIs in his past 42 games, and has no extra-base hits in his past 15 games.
…
After batting .338 with runners in scoring position in 2005, .320 in 2006, and .341 in 2007, Francoeur is worst among Braves regulars with a .186 average with runners in scoring position this season.

And after hitting .379 against lefties in 2005, .292 in 2006 and .317 in 2007, he’s hitting .208 against them this season.

Also McCann has been so good of late that he’s apparently become delusional: “Catcher Brian McCann keeps saying how the Braves aren’t mathematically eliminated and that they still need to play every game to win.”

Delusional or not he is the man.

In related news, I will be at the game tomorrow night, in awesome seats no less, wearing said man’s jersey. If there is a rain delay/cancellation for the one day I’m in town and available to see a game you’ll probably see me hanging out around one of the I-75 overpasses with a bottle of Jim Beam, chain smoking and muttering to myself.

Not saying it’s impossible, but yeah, it’s impossible

The odds of the Braves making the playoffs are now 1.01118, .54864 or 1.00497, depending on which confusing-as-fuck method you prefer.

Brandon Webb is good at this baseball thing; Braves lose 6-1

Infante drove in the Braves’ sole run on a sac fly. The rest of the line-up didn’t execute even though they had their chances against Webb (6 IP, 1 ER, 5 H, 2 BB), who also had a RBI double for the D-Bags (see what I did there?).

It also appears that Hampton has reverted to his old (Colorado, not injured) ways, going just four innings and allowing six earned. Francoeur sucked about as hard as one can suck, going 0-4 with 2 strike-outs and leaving a mind-boggling six men on base in the process. His slash-line is now down to a manorexic .227/.287/.348.

But alas, not all is bad – the Braves did win three out of four against a division leader. Of course this particular division leader happens to be just two games over .500 and playing in one of the weakest divisions in the history of baseball. Whatevs, I’ll take it.

Boxscore here.

Chipper is back, does his best Chipper-in-May impersonation; Prado too

Chipper had a neat little 4-3-2-2 line, including a 434 foot home run, in last night’s 11-6 win over the D-Backs. Campillo struggled a bit, giving up 5 in 6.1, but other players stepped up. Here’s how CBS put it, italics mine:

Martin Prado went 3-for-4 with two doubles, a triple and three RBI, and Casey Kotchman also had three hits for the Braves, who have won three of their last four.

That’s right, folks, we have a winning streak of sorts on our hands. Against the NL West-leading Diamondbacks, no less.